I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize