yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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