Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
me + whiskey = a bad person
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
