I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
