I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
