i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize