I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
