Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
