dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
