Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
