I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
