if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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