i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
