The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
