can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
