is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
if i died would you start the facebook group?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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