my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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