the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
