Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
