A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
