I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
