My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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