Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
