i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
