She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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