woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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