How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
