your parents love me but you hate me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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