You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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