just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
