I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
