2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
