I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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