her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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