there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
