If i come over, it means nothing
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
