It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
