It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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