2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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