the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I am puke
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize