I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
