So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You've changed since you got that strap on
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
