I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize