i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
