i can't believe i had my finger in that
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
