watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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