If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
