i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
