that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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