I like my sex mixed with concussions.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
