I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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