We're like a lot better than the average bears
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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