was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
