guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize