people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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