and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize