I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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