So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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