Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
